Not everyone who is single is lonely; not everyone who is taken is in love.curiano.com
I recently had a night out with a good friend of mine. She’s a lot like a younger (albeit more responsible) sister, and though she is younger we’ve both been through some shit. We had a low key night out of people watching, a drink or two, a little dancing, and fending off drunk men half my age. We spent a lot of time talking about the current state of our personal lives, and that has led me to ponder whether there is a fate worse than dating?
I think most of us have been at the crossroads in life where our choices are to: 1. Stay in a relationship with known flaws, 2. Be single and alone, or 3. Start dating again. I believe there are positives and negatives to each.
Staying in the relationship. Examining your existing relationship is like diving headlong into the slippery slope of is this enough, is this what I want, is he/she the right one, is he/she being honest with me, am I being honest with myself? Now if you are like me and at the point where I am in life, you choose the super slow roll approach to a nonrelationship because it allows you to avoid real commitments that make you break out in a sweat and get twitchy as fuck. I try not to examine things as deeply as most because I prefer to just let them develop at the pace of a turtle crawling through quicksand. If you don’t push the commitment thing, you won’t be forced to formally commit, right? Are things perfect? Well of course not, nothing is perfect. Are there a few things that are frustrating? Of course there are, but are they really so frustrating that you are ready to tackle the alternatives? The big question I ask myself is whether the flaws of a current relationship are in any way harmful or hurtful to me? Do they make me question my self-worth, my values, my principles or my sanity? If the answer is yes to any of those, then it’s time for me to move on. If the answer is no to all, well then, do I really need to consider the alternatives…
Being single and alone. To some people, the idea of being alone is terrifying. I am not one of those people. I like to travel alone. I have a roommate for financial reasons, but I am super content to live alone. I go out to eat or do things alone. Single and alone isn’t an ugly, scary place for me. I am content to be in my own world, in my own head, with my own thoughts. It is fine in my world, they know me, love me, and accept me there. I do realize that the single life can occasionally be lonely, but I would rather be lonely alone than to be lonely in a shitty relationship. And when I am single, I get to make decisions that are all about me…except for when Rupert, the naughty rescue dog, makes decisions and then we go with what he wants because he really is the boss of me. But there are times when a concert, a sunset, or a trip would be more fun with someone else, and then you are sitting there thinking about the two other alternatives…
Start dating again. I am not going to lie. I am lazy as shit when it comes to the idea of meeting new people and dating. I won’t say that I will tolerate a lot of bullshit in a relationship because I’m kind of an asshole and will find almost any excuse to bail. But I also don’t want to do my hair and makeup, pick out an outfit that makes me look my best, and put on a fake smile and make small talk. I hate dating. I can’t stand the what do you like to do, do you want children, where do you see yourself in five or ten years bullshit. I have no filter and zero tolerance for games, and dating is one giant game.
Oh, and let’s talk about one of the worst parts of modern dating: online dating. I don’t care which site you use and whether they are designed for hookups or searches for everlasting love. From Christian Mingle to Tinder, dating sites are cesspools of horrible spelling and grammar. I can rule out 99.2% of all eligible men based on the number of run-on sentences and inappropriate use of the words there, their and they’re. Someone once asked me if I was willing to pass up on the possibility of true love because of grammatical errors, and my emphatic answer is absofuckinglutely! Everyone is attracted to different things, and I happen to be attracted to intelligence (wrapped in a smoking hot, amusement park of a body, please). For me, the intelligence package comes complete with the ability to spell, form complete sentences, and know when to use your and you’re (and to not ever use “ur”).
Of the remaining 0.8% who understand grammar, I speak for a significant number of women here when I say please, for the love of all, do not send dick pics. I don’t need to see a video of you masturbating. You aren’t going to get nudes of me or a video in return. You want to see me naked? Work for it, you lazy little bastard.
The other difficulty in dating, for me personally, is my love of the grey area. I don’t want a serious relationship, and I have no desire to get married again. I’m not jealous or needy and am more often accused of being indifferent. I want someone to travel with (but not all of my trips, because I like girl time and I LOVE solo time). I want someone to watch football with and go out to dinner sometimes. But I don’t want to live with that person or have them in my personal space all the damn time. There’s this beautiful little grey area between friends with benefits and relationship that is a comfortable space for the loyal but commitment-phobic individuals in this world. Unfortunately, those individuals are few and far between, so then you’re back to those other two options…because is there really a fate worse than dating?