Forever Isn’t For Everyone

Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently.

Michelle Obama

So I’m in my 40s and I wouldn’t say I’m single, but I wouldn’t say I’m in a relationship either. I have a thing. I have a situationship. I have a guy that I really adore. Something different than a friend with benefits, but also something kind of like that. I don’t know what it is, but it works for me. I often get asked if I have a boyfriend and I say no. I am not saying I’m single and free, I am just saying there isn’t someone in my life with that particular title. And before you ask, I have no idea what he calls me, nor do I really care. 

I am genuinely perplexed by the need for a label, a title, and a set definition of every relationship in life. Why can’t I just have a thing that works for me right now? Oh wait…I can. I do. I have a thing, and it works. If it stops working, then I guess it will be time to move on. 

So many people are obsessed with the idea of forever. They want a forever home, a forever person, a forever life. Not everything lasts fucking forever. You outgrow a home, or it’s a damn money pit, or you lose a job and can’t afford it, or you get a better job and want a bigger one. The same goes for people. Sometimes you outgrow another person. Sometimes you can’t afford it – be it mentally, emotionally or financially. Sometimes you just want a better one or a bigger one (tee hee, she said bigger one). Sometimes what worked for you at one point in your life just doesn’t work anymore, and that is OKAY!! I think the important part is recognizing when it has hit that point, and then having the strength to walk away. 

I am sure if I posted this on my Facebook or Instagram, I would have an entire clan there to heat up my ass on how young people just don’t try anymore. We don’t work hard at relationships anymore. Our grandparents didn’t really like each other for 40 years and they still stayed together, blah blah blah. I am sad for those who have stayed in an unhappy relationship because that’s what they thought they had to do. On the flip side, I also have friends who were high school sweethearts, and they have stuck it out and made it work, and they are genuinely happy. Some of their parents were high school sweethearts that are still together and happy. I respect and admire the relationships they have and how they have worked to keep them strong. 

But here is the deal: forever isn’t for everyone. It works for some, and some are great at it. Some of us just don’t care about forever things though. The idea of a forever home makes me shudder. The idea of living in one place forever makes me twitchy. The idea of staying in one job for the rest of my career makes me want to cry. And while I absolutely adore the man in my life, I don’t know where it will end up, and I am comfortable with that. If things continue to work for us, and he stays in my life for the rest of my days, well then color me fucking surprised. I don’t know if he is Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right For A While, and I don’t really care because it works.

I am sure a psychologist would have a field day with me, but I am comfortable with my thoughts and feelings on life, relationships, and happiness. I am happy with having a whatever it is with the sexy, strong, sweet, smart, funny man that puts a smile on my face and a tingle in all my other places. I feel safe because I am never pressured by him to slap labels or rings or whatever on it. I love that he isn’t bothered by my extreme need for independence, and that he is okay with my strong personality and ‘no fucks given’ attitude. While I currently can’t imagine not having him in my life, there is nothing more unsettling to me than the thought of either of us settling. Everything works for us now, but if someday it doesn’t, I hope we will always have the insight and the openness to go our separate ways.

For my forever kind of friends and followers, I am happy for your forever, and please know that I respect you for your foreverness. For my works for now friends and followers, I feel you and I respect you. We take some shit for not being forever people, but I hope you keep doing what works for you, and not what others think you should do. I realize my drummer has a different beat, and I am okay marching to it (or more likely, marching off beat), and I hope you continue to do the same…until it doesn’t work for you anymore.